what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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