I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
