get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
