you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
