it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
