idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
