How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
