She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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