She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize