ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
