My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
