my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
