i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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