your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
