That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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