I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
