I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
