my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
