im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
