I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
