They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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