OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
