I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
