I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You're like the curious george of whores
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
