best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
