Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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