I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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