Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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