Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
