She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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