I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
