Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
