Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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