i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
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