Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
