omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
