Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
