she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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