i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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