u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
