Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
