Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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