went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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