She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
