i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
