I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
