Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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