woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
