Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
