I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize