Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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