I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
