I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
