Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
