I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
