You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i've created a new STD.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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