I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
