Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
