my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
