yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
