when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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