I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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