Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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