I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
