she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
