I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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