dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
