Plan B is the new Plan A
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
