Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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