i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
