if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's blow job season.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
